good things from 2016:

  • pajama parties
  • Hopster’s with Tom… one of my fav memories
  • getting into painting
  • living in Boston
  • traditional dinner on st. patrick’s day
  • Georgie!
  • the departure of “habanero”
  • witnessing the Boston marathon
  • a visit from Kristin!
  • lobster lunches with uncle Raymond
  • night in white charity for IBD with Scarlet
  • 4th of July in Ohio
  • touring New England with Will (portsmouth! kittery! newberryport!)
  • watching Reynolds turn into a crazy cat guardian
  • wine tasting and riverside dinner for the big 3-0
  • Alzheimer’s walk with mom
  • a very difficult trip down memory lane while cleaning out the house
  • Sarah Donner’s new album!
  • meeting MeetUp friends
  • Sarah’s wedding!
  • Shelley’s wedding!
  • becoming an “aunt!”
  • getting closer to “step” siblings
  • walks with Tiger
  • learning grace and humility (<— work in progress)
  • christmas eve dinner and service with Sri and Diba

“I can learn to dance
Memorize the turns
To rise up from the ash
I’m gonna have to burn.” -SD

I am resolving to write once a day up until the new year. These next few posts will likely not be masterpieces. But I think I said it best back in May… 2016 has been anything but ordinary.

God, I miss Boston. I miss being true to myself. Prioritizing my career. I miss the architecture and the lakes and my coffee lady. I am such a misfit here. And too poor to even visit my old home.

I have an interview tomorrow. It is either a Christmas miracle or a manifestation of Mercury in retrograde.

The goal here is so much bigger than just finding work. It is… a lesson in being present. And gratitude. And other things that I am still learning about and can’t quite articulate yet… But I think despite the madness and uncertainty, sometimes it’s possible to sit down at a bar with friends and feel comfortable for a moment.

Tomorrow will be my first open mic in 2016. Crazy. “Now there’s an ellipsis where this year’s supposed to end.”

“Bones are broken and the will is sunk
How did everything get so fucked up?
Do you want to change your mind?
You can always change your mind

You and I could quit this scene
Build a town and then secede
Like an Adam and an Eve
Cause to the dreamers go the dreams
But the leaders have the lead
It’s a frightening, frightening thing

Born to the land of opportunity
Of manifest destiny
Do you want to change your mind?
You can always change your mind” -Guster

my words are still not going to capture the extent of what happened. out feelings. our fears. our… confusion. since the country has elected a new president, i am still looking to put together the pieces. i have looked to my heroes and even they have not been able to offer any inspiration or encouragement. it is harrowing. people are comparing 11/9 to 9/11, but as it remember it, our country bonded together after 9/11…

tonight the Pats play and flag is unfurled and the anthem is sung… I suppose life will go on. As President Obama said… the sun will still rise.

the country has validated all the horrible, hateful, hurtful things that one person has said. or at least stated that bigotry is not a deal-breaker. that it will be tolerated.

i don’t know where we go from here. but i think love still trumps hate.

I grieved her when I realized I was losing her to alcoholism. I grieved her again when the alzheimer’s became evident. I grieved when she moved to assisted living. I grieved when I cleaned out her house. At some point, one would think there’s not much left to grieve…

But there always is.