the many highs and lows of today:
– getting my car out of the parking lot successfully
– being at work, feeling like i have my feet under me
– thoughts of joining a bowling league?
– dueling banter at work
– matching with another MH worker
– more snow
– MAKING PLANS FOR THE BAHAMAS WITH WILL
– trying to finance said plans
– my car sounding like a snowblower
– making well-balanced dinner
– the PET scan confirmed AD
– picking up Kiley at work after a rough fall
– two craigslist ad’s and a ton of job apps
– texting with gentlemen
– snuggles with tiger and grey’s

Stuck

Even after shoveling out my car for over an hour this afternoon, I came find that it was still. stuck.

Stuck like my love life. My own stubbornness. Stuck like i am in a New England winter.

So after a wave of panic and a fit during which I lost my cool, cried a bit, and rallied… I channeled whatever resources I had into moving forward and getting unstuck.

in terms of skills that I possess, getting cars unstuck is evidently not one of them. For someone who is highly educated and living on this earth for 28 years, my skill-set is actually severely limited. Ironically, the only skill set I possess is not really generalizable. I am (again) stuck in a (very wonderful) postdoc (but a postdoc nonetheless) until the licensure committee deems me capable of practicing independently. Meanwhile, I am pigeonholed into a career… finding that my skills for this job are for this job alone, and exclude working as a tutor, therapist, or college instructor.

Anywhoo… My greatest skill set thus far is knowing when to employ other people’s skill sets. asking for help is by no means easy for me, but as a single lady living in a band new city, it is something i am learning to embrace.

I rallied and responded to an ad on Craigslist from someone who was offering a snow removal service. When they didn’t respond within 2 minutes, i had another wave of panic and subsequently had to compose myself a second time. I posted my OWN ad to Craigslist. Since then I’ve received almost ten responses. Way to go, BOSTON! I am so thankful for your help and generosity.

The original person from Craigslist got back to me a little while later–probably 15 minutes real time, 15 years in-my-head time. And I was pushed out by two gentlemen, and a nice parking spot was created for me in no time! It was amazing and relieving.

And so maybe when my nerves calm, I will play a new open mic tonight–my first in Brighton! And tomorrow will seem better. And we will all be one day closer to spring. Cheers to being unstuck.

things to be happy about:
– snow days
– freshly baked choc chip cookies
– sarah donner’s “these things”
– friends episodes with kiley
– time to practice guitar and write
– catching up on Sunday Morning clips
– tiger falling asleep on my computer charger
– having working heat again (and resealed windows)
– picturesque pictures out my bedroom window
– better convos with mom
– painted nails
– late night talks with roomies and sour wine
– new candles
– possibilities…

nothing like taking inventory of your life while being single on valentine’s day. the world is a brutally unfair place.

listening to Hey Marseilles and remember the walk I took around the reservoir when I knew something was up. or maybe it was after I found out my dad moved out. now I can’t remember, but something tells me the sentiment of the walk was the same. My intuition is so damn powerful and accurate.

the contact for the job in bucks county was wonderful and wonderfully understanding… it is nice to have that prospect looking down the road. it would be a richer life. but it’s looming is also a painful reminder of how vapid life here has become. emptiness compounded by weekends spent snowed in… not the best combination.

one day i will write a beautiful tribute to uncertainty and resilience. about growing pains and stagnating pains. but that day is not today.

“There’s more than one answer to these questions pointing me in crooked line.
And the less I seek my source for some definitive, the closer I am to fine.”

hm… i had been planning my escape anyway. but to newton. then a letter in the mail changed that. and opened up a lot of feelings for me. maybe i don’t need to be living 300 miles away during my mom’s final years.

newton, ma. newtown, pa. what a world of difference a couple letters makes.